the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
