I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
