I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had to coat check the pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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