similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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