what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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