Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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