If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
