I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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