Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
