Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
