oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
