god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
