I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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