It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
