I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy