I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air