If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.