none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix