Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
