if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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