I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
