can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How external is "for external use only"?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
