I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
