I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
