i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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