I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
