The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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