I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
