with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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