ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
