very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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