i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
