I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
