i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize