My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
