Umm I'm too high to move.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
