Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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