Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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