I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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