Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize