I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
