You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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