"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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