Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she told me i tasted like america
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
