I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
