i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
