So drunk, too bad you don't want this
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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