umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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