The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
