Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
