apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
