ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
