bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
