I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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