This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
