It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
