you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
