well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
