I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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