I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.