she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left