I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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