Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
