When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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