Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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