Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
