My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We need to get me chipped asap
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
