Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
