Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
